Gratitude.

1. I'm grateful for a few pleasant moments with my husband at dinner tonight.

2. I'm grateful for the lovely breakfast we shared this morning.

3. I'm glad I had a few hours to myself this morning after he left to go work at his aunt's house. It's been a long time since I've had some time to myself.

4. I'm grateful for the phone call with my girlfriend this evening.

5. It was meeting night, and I love meeting night.

Night.

The Best:

I went to a meeting and sought out help for my situation at home, and I think I found some good advice.

The Worst:

I'm feeling really self-absorbed.

Tonight.

The Best:

I went to a meeting and spent time with a good friend. We were taking care of ourselves, which was a lot of fun and, I think, something both of us needed a lot. We laughed and ate good stuff. Yay us.

The Worst:

There are two things I was dishonest about that I haven't mentioned here, and I'm going to mention them now because my day has been pretty good so far, so any indiscretions are mild compared to these.

I talked to my husband's aunt and didn't tell him I talked to her, even to the point of having to lie to cover it up. I don' t know why I'm lying. I didn't talk to her about anything that he wouldn't want me talking to her about...in fact, I think I made her feel better about him. But I lied anyway.

I also told something he has been doing to his father, and I told him his father asked me about it instead of telling him that I told his dad. I want him to be honest with me, but I'm not being honest with him, and that's not fair.

Night.

I seem to be having a vacation from this journaling project. That's probably bad karma in itself! Maybe that's my worst for tonight...I neglected to keep up with this project, which has been very helpful in keeping me accountable to myself for my actions. So, there's my Worst!

My Best, then...let's see what I've done well. I taught a good lesson last night, and I think I helped my students. I also went to my step group today. I've taken care of myself and helped others. Those are good seeds.

Morning.

The Worst:

I completed my lie about forgetting the coworker who needed a ride. The boss said it was ok to have forgotten him, though, because she told him there's nothing for him to do while she's not here...so I feel less awful about it. I wish I'd just stood up for myself from the beginning instead of having to do this stupid little dance.

The Best:

This was from yesterday afternoon; good thing I didn't use them up in a post last night, as I've not done too much good today! I better get my ass in gear!

I took two program calls at work and talked to some women who are in relationships with addicts, and it was good to talk to them and listen to them telling about how they're struggling. I hope I helped them out some, if nothing else, just by listening and being willing to take the call.

Evening.

The Best:

I reached out to a newcomer at the meeting. I gave her my number and tried to be as warm and welcoming as I could while sharing my experience with my first Nar-Anon. She's younger, so I hope she sticks around. It's nice to see some folks coming in with situations more similar to my own.

The Worst:

I fretted and fretted and fretted about my husband not being at the meeting. He was supposed to meet me there, and I was certain he wasn't going to. Afterwards, I went outside, and there he was, holding his cup of N.A. coffee...

Night Time.

The Best:

I went out with a friend from Nar-Anon who was in need of some support. I'd been very judgmental of her the first few times I met her. She is really well-manicured, and I judged her for buying into an aesthetic that I find offensive and harmful. Getting to know her has humbled me and made me see how much we have in common. She is a smart, funny woman who is hurting a lot right now and who is in a very similar situation to my own, so I am glad to have reached out to her. I'm glad she reached back tonight.

The Worst:

I am struggling with how to respond to my husband, and I think that I am being too cold. When I got home tonight, he said he was going to bed. "Good," I said. "I'm going out with a friend from my program." He seemed hurt, and I didn't know how to comfort him without getting too involved in his mess. I want to find balance in my interactions with him. I don't want to be too distant and too cold, but I don't want to lose myself in getting swept up in his pain.